|
[26 Apr 2007|01:46pm] |
i made a new livejournal!
http://yourblackluck.livejournal.com
looking back on 99% of these entries,
HOLY SHIT I WAS DEPRESSING, i don't know why
hahah, ughhh i'm annoying
|
|
| So we don't care if we get dirty; we ain't here for cleanliness. |
[07 Dec 2006|07:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Men Women & Children |
] |
It's official; I'm a failure. For school that is. Because of my absences, my school called & said I failed for this semester. Even the classes that I had an A+ in don't even matter anymore. I'm getting plenty of doctor's notes so hopefully they'll excuse everything. Whatever, I really don't even care that much. Raaahhh.
Anyways, because of recent events, please find me someone/something that will make me happy & not "destroy me" & make me feel more & more like shit. Even though that is quite selfish of me, considering I brought all of these problems upon myself. Oh well, I want to go back to sleep right now.
|
|
| No longer living, just a shell of what I dreamed. |
[03 Dec 2006|05:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 everything |
] |
I had a fun weekend up until now, basically. On Friday, Sami met up with me in Hyannis & took the bus home with me. We went to the mall with Adrie & Jaybzzz after that. I hung out with various people at the mall including Sarah who I never hang out with outside of school anymore, so it was a good night. Sami slept over after that & I killed the witch on my wall? um yeah don't ask, hahah. On Saturday, me & Sami hung out with Adrie & JB again & all of them slept over my house which was really fun. & what a night that was? Haha.
Then today we all went to Adrie's but JB & Sami got picked up right after that. Then I stayed at Adrie's but her dad had to drive me home unexpectedly due to some things that happened at her house. Which is where this fun weekend started going downhill. :/
Oh well, I miss Marissa. ):
|
|
| Here comes the man with a fistful of pills so you can kill with no remorse. |
[19 Nov 2006|07:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Blood Brothers |
] |
Friday night I hung out at the commons with Adrie, Jehs, Lisa, & Max. Then I slept over Adrie's & we went to candy mountain. Yeah, about that... (;
On Saturday me & Adrie went to the mall. Hayato got the Mexican mall janitors to take a picture of us, hahaha. It was probably one of the funniest moments of my life.
Then today I went to the commons with Marissa. Hooraaaay. (:
So there's only 1 and a half days of school this week. I'm quite happy about that. But my poor little Marissaloveykins has to get her wisdom teethies out. ): Anyone wanna drive me to the Super Wal-Mart in Kingston so I can get her special Dora the Explorer ice cream that I have only seen there? (;
|
|
| Yeah I'm a selfish bastard, but at least I'm not alone. |
[16 Nov 2006|05:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
30 Seconds To Mars (OMG NO WAY.) |
] |
I don't know what to do. I think I'm technically lying. I don't want to let anyone down. But seriously, I think I'm going insane. (: Whatever decision I make, I'll end up complaining about the same old shit like, a week from now. Nothing ever works out as planned, and I'm started to get really annoyed. Cool.
One problem solved. I really do need to stop over analyzing everything. Oh & I should probably stop thinking so much about other stuff. Yeah.
|
|
| A revolution has begun today for me inside; the ultimate defense is to pretend. |
[12 Nov 2006|09:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
30 Seconds To Mars (as usual.) |
] |
This weekend was fun for the most part. Friday was probably one of the worst possible days during school. My first lunch-lock-up sucked & I had a pretty bad headache throughout the entire day. After school things improved; Marissa & Jessika picked me up at the commons. We went to the mall for a little while then went to Sammie's for the nice dinner she made for us. Then we went over to Pie In The Sky & I got to see Cody. <3 So Friday actually ended up being a good day.
Saturday started off shitty which of course had to ruin my good mood. My mom got some email or call or something from my english teacher because I'm failing that class & of course they're like OMFG WTF YOU'RE FAILING OMGZ! I know I need to actually do this thing called trying this term. Well after all of that, I went to Marissa's house & hung out with her, Cody, Trevor, Casey, & Elias. (& Jessika for a short period of time too.) We ate shitloads of pizza & watched Requiem For A Dream. & I failed miserably at Bop It.
After that, Robyn got a ride to my house. Last night seems like a completely different day compared to earlier that day. It's all kinda blurred. Drugs are stupid. Today I went to the commons with Adrie & Cody after Robyn left. I haven't really been completely there mentally all day. It's really retarded. I'll never learn, because I wonder what I'll end up doing next week too. Oh joy.
|
|
| Start again with a brand new name. |
[09 Nov 2006|07:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
venting. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
30 Seconds To Mars |
] |
I can't help but to think about how different everything is now than to how it was a year ago. Even a few months ago, everything was different. It's overwhelming. In a way, I miss how things were. But I'm starting to enjoy life now more & more & appreciate it more. Either I'm getting over some stupid things, maturing, or just realizing that the past is the past & you can't make it the future. I hate dwelling in the past, but it gets the best of me sometimes. Right now, I guess everything's fine. Besides the fact I'm doing pretty horrible in school at the moment. I didn't even give one ounce of effort in some classes on the first term, so I deserve the failing grade. I just honestly didn't care, & I suppose it's not that big of a deal. It's just the first term of my freshman year, I have plenty of time to do better. I just get the typical long speeches from my parents.
I kind of have a feeling that something bad is going to happen in the future. I feel like I'm living life to the fullest, but at the same time I feel like I'm really taking advantage of it in the worst ways. I'm going to end up fucking myself over, I know it. I just can't stop, I get away with a lot of shit I shouldn't. Lies just fly out of my mouth without me even taking a moment to think; it's just automatic. I mean I don't do that many "bad" things, but sometimes I wonder if my parents really know what's going on & they just don't say anything because they know I'll just lie & argue back, or if they're really that oblivious sometimes. I feel like my mom's catching on though. She keeps giving me long speeches about how not to get involved with drugs & things, because I'll "fuck up my life". Whatever, she's just being concerned I guess.
It's only the beginning of the second term in school, & my mom already wants to pull me out of Sturgis. She thinks I have "too much freedom" there. This kind of goes along with her & her drug-speeches. But I really don't take advantage of the outside lunch. I don't smoke weed during lunch, I feel like it's too risky. I just started smoking cigarettes way more ever since I started going there, but that's not a big deal at all. I really don't want to leave Sturgis. I like it so much more there than Mashpee High. MHS is just so boring & typical. Sturgis is almost, dare I say it, fun. It doesn't even feel like I go to school. It's weird.
Another thing bothering me is how I feel like I'm being a horrible person to some people. Some really good people have walked into my life recently, & I feel like lately I've only made time for them when its convenient for me. Lately, my moods have been changing so much that I'm too preoccupied to worry about some people. I don't mean it to be that way, there's just been a lot going on lately. & if there really hasn't been a lot of things happening, I've just been overanalyzing things so much that it seems like there's a million things going on at once. I'm stressing out so much lately, but in a different way. I don't get as angry as I used to when I was stressed out. Instead, I just ignore everything and avoid contact with everyone until I'm done worrying about some particular thing. I don't want to make people upset with me. I hate the guilt. I'm really sorry. I'm a lot to put up with sometimes. Well, I'm done rambling on & on for now.
|
|
| I want to take you far away from the cynics in this town. |
[05 Nov 2006|08:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Postal Service |
] |
This weekend was pretty crazy. Jehs & Kelsea slept over Friday night. Yeah, interesting night. I went to the mall with Adrie last night & then slept over her house. Another interesting, but fun night. Today I went straight to Marissa's house after Adrie's & went off cape with her.
All I know right now is that I'm very confusing. I can't decide on anything. I haven't been myself lately. I don't know what it is. If you aren't a part of my life, then please don't try to be in it now. As much as I like all the new friends & people I can find, I feel like I'm either doing something stupid & wrong or I'm going to. I'm difficult. Don't put up with me. I get my mind set on things that I refuse to let go of. Everything's different now. I feel amazing & great, but at the same time I feel empty & horrible. I don't know anything, because everything is confusing me now. I don't know if I'm over-analyzing or not thinking enough. I don't want to end up hurting anyone in the long run. I just need something that I can be sure about.
|
|
| In your mind, through your eyes, do you see? It's the fantasy. |
[29 Oct 2006|09:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
satisfied |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
30 Seconds To Mars |
] |
I went to the concert with Marissa, & it was amazing. We got at the Avalon at about 1 pm. We stood out there in the pouring, wind driven rain for 4 or more hours. It was worth it though, we were almost in the very front of the line. While waiting we met some nice people who we befriended & hung out with the rest of the night. We also saw Matt Wachter from 30 Seconds To Mars about a million times because he kept coming outside for cigarette breaks. I almost wanted to bum a cigarette off of him, but it would have been disgustingly awkward, haha. We also saw some members of Men Women & Children while waiting and Gabe Saporta came out & talked to some people. I also pranced around 30 Seconds To Mars' tour bus with an umbrella in the rain on one of my trips down the road to the nearest bathroom. I hope they were looking out the window wondering who the 5 foot tall girl with the stupid looking umbrella frolicing around their bus was.
So, they let us in a good half an hour early, just for standing out there for a long period of time in the shitty weather. Men Women & Children played first. They were awesome, & now I'm definitely a fan. Next played Cobra Starship, who played amazing as well. Then played The Pink Spiders. We didn't know they were playing, but it was a good surprise. Next came Head Automatica, which was our first taste of the crowd going absolutely crazy. They played some new & old songs which was good. A lot of people left after Head Automatica though. Then, Street Drum Corps came out & introduced 30 Seconds to Mars. They're so amazing & so skilled at what they do. They definitely had us pumped.
Finally, 30 Seconds To Mars played. They were so so so amazing. Jared jumped out into the audience multiple times, but I guess the people who were also holding him up didn't understand the point of not letting go of him. I was trying to hold him up by the foot, but I'm weak & tiny so it didn't help much. Because of people's ignorance, they dropped him, & of all people to fall onto, he fell on me. It was painful; but amazing. I also caught a rose.
After it was over, we met Men Women & Children & bought cd's from the lead singer, TJ. They're all really chill & we donated to their fund of getting new equipment due to the fact that all of their shit got stolen in Detroit. I feel bad, because they're such a great band. Last night was perfect/amazing/wonderful. It was definitely worth the long wait.
(All pictures taken by either me or Marissa.)
Men Women & Children
Cobra Starship
The Pink Spiders
Head Automatica
30 Seconds To Mars
click here for the videos.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
